The engagement that turned into a nightmare


It all started out with my family and my boyfriend’s family ,we were all having a picnic at the firehouse hall that is next door from me.
Everyone was there including my two best friend’s in the world ūüôā Meanwhile when I was eating with my family and friends , Marvin comes up to me and goes down in one knee.
“Will you marry me?” He asked. Well I was blushing and just shocked what he asked me, but I did say yes with a mouth full of food in my mouth. It was potato Salad by the way. We kissed and hugged and everyone was cheering . They were all saying congratulations to both of us .

I look at my ring and I thought it was gorgeous . It looked something like this:


Yes, I know pretty. Again, excited that I got engaged everyone in my family was looking at the ring and they decided to ask my lovely fiancé Marvin how much this beautiful ring costs.

“.50 cents.” he replied. Everyone started laughing including me because I thought he was joking. his mother came up and said “Ha!No really , how much did it costs?”

“I told you guys. .50 cents.” This time he had a serious look on his face and that’s when I knew he wasn’t joking.

“Marvin!!” his mother yelled hit him across the head! “Are you serious ? You spent .50 cents on that ring?!? Obviously it isn’t real!” She kept on hitting him and just walked away. Very upset as expected I left the picnic and went over to my house to figure things out.

“Why did he buy a fake ring?” I thought

My mother came home all enraged at Marvin. “You know I liked him until now. He is a fucking ass hole! Your father isn’t that cheap.”( I can see her saying that hahaha!) Of course I cried and cried and cried. Marvin didn’t say a word to me as he also came over to my mothers house. I looked at him and he looked at me. That’s when I woke up , all upset and angry .I realized it was a dream and I didn’t care I was mad at Marvin for buying a cheap ring hahaha

So I sent him a text and it went like this:



Later last night he told me he was actually going to get a fake ring and propose to me just for kicks because of my dream. I said ” You are asshole, but I love you .” ūüėÄ


Just stop the Selfies : Facebook, Instagram

photo (4)

I deleted my Facebook about two months ago, Honestly it is the best thing that have ever happened in my life. ha, not really. Well I got sick of the same old shit, I would be scrolling down and I would see, “Like this or else God will vanish you to hell” ( bitch God don’t have a Facebook.) or “My life is horrible, ” Well that sucks, sorry that you’re life is horrible that you have to let everybody know or the wonderful “Selfies”. Now i don’t know what is worse a complaining bitch or the selfies.

Honestly as I think about it , the selfies you want to know why? I’ll tell you a story .Once upon a time on Facebook their was this very attractive women that I was friends with. Again very pretty, nice personality ¬†and a good person to be around. Well ¬†I remember liking a picture and I decided to look through some of her albums. She had albums of her summer, her family, her trips she went on ¬†and than there was that one album the “ME” . Curious, I clicked it.

Well I shouldn’t have because I should have known the album was all about her. Just more than 200 Photos of herself. Not only it was 200 photos of herself they also had song lyrics, and the same exact picture!! I looked through them and thought “Why?”

Apparently from what it seemed I guess she knew she was pretty attractive. I just didn’t understand why the hell she had to have a full album of just herself. It kind of turned me off from communicating with her for some reason. Maybe to full of herself?? Again, great person , but the selfies ruined everything. ¬†I guess maybe she needs self worth because she don’t get it at home. Who knows?

Oh wait here’s another one Instagram.

Now I don’t mind posting selfies once in a while , but when it is like every damn day than I might just ignore the post. Again, there is this one women I’m following and she posts selfies everyday. She is very very pretty and nice, but again the selfies. WHY?!? What bothers me the most is she is a mother. Yes a mother and yet she posts selfies all day long and everyday. Don’t you take care of your children?!

“I’m going to the gym,” *click*

” I’m eating this nice lunch.” *click*

“I’m taking a huge shit” *click*

“I’m vomiting my brains out” *click*

what happens if there is a serial killer chasing after them?

“OMG I”M BEING CHASED BY A SERIAL KILLER!!” *click* Have the serial killer do a pose of killing position hahahaha.

I don’t know if it is boredom or what. These type of ¬†people like this drive me crazy. i hope I’m not the only one that thinks this ,but please enlighten me if you feel this way too. You can be so kind to add on if you like . Comment below.


God fucked with us: Our day at Atlantic City

So about a month ago my boyfriend and I decided to go to the beach . Since with live in New Jersey we actually have to leave hours early because we live about two hours away from Atlantic City. It was eight o’ clock in the morning my boyfriend picked me up at my house to get ready to start our day.

“So where do you want to go?” asked Marvin. Now I thought since he told me that week we would be going to the beach he would have picked a place. See I really don’t get out much , so I had no idea where to go.

“Well, ¬†let’s go to Atlantic City. ” he said. Well I was excited because I have never been to Atlantic City, neither has he so it would both be a first time for us. ¬†We could visit the casinos, go on the boardwalk and than go to the beach. ¬†I loved the beach and wanted to go there the most, I’m not really into casinos.¬†

After yelling at horrible drivers,  me giving them the finger,  also almost getting hit by two  tracker trailers  we had finally made it to Atlantic city. Well that was after three hours of driving considering traffic and dumb ass people.

¬†I was glad we were there because I was hungry. Yes, I admit , I’m ¬†one of those people that are always , but I’m short so that makes me a Hobbit. Yes, I do have to have second breakfast, but since I missed that I was extra hungry. So anyways, we got there and we saw the Trump building which was fricken huge, we went into Ceaser’s . There was this cool big statue of Ceaser! @.@¬†

So finally after walking around the casino for about a half hour my stomach has had it and It was starting to hurt. 

“I’m sorry can we eat something. I’m starving. ” Marvin looked at me and laughed.

“I honestly don’t know how you are so hungry!!! We just ate three hours ago.” ¬†-_- He should know this already!!! haha!

So we ate and than went off into the casino. There was two floors at the casino. One floor was slots and tables. The second floor was slots. Marvin went to go play at some tables and I wanted to play slots . I didn’t win anything which sucked, but the whole time I was there I wanted to go to the beach. Marvin said we would only be there for a hour and I said that is fine because all I wanted to do was go to the beach.¬†

Men, when you set a time for something , it always means the opposite. ¬†So I knew we probably wouldn’t be there for a hour . We were there for two hours. To you it may not seem like a big deal , but our objective was to go to the beach . ¬†Trust me I loved seeing the casinos , but the beach I wanted to go into!!! ūüôā

So after both of us loosing, and not winning any money , besides me winning just .30 cents It was finally time to go to the beach! Oh finally I’ve been waiting for this all day! We walked up onto the board walk and of course there was a shit load of people. I was excited because I could smell the ocean breeze.¬†

We walked to the entrance of the beach. The beach was right front of my eyes and I could see the waves crashing among the shore.  I could see the children playing in the sand and hearing kids laughing.  I just about walked into the sand when I hear.

¬†“I wonder if there is a changing room.” I looked at him and said

“You didn’t put your ¬†bathing suite under your clothes?” He nodded no , but I could understand why he didn’t because there are usually changing rooms. ¬†I was sure there was a bathroom somewhere so he could change into his bathing suite. So I almost ¬†as at paradise. :/ So we are both standing there awkwardly ¬†he turn around and says “You want to go to Wild wood?”

I look at him and said “NO!” well I never really fought with him before , but he knew I was so mad. I had every reason to be because this is why we came here. ¬†So he said we would find a changing room. Well the changing room was down the boardwalk and we see a whole bunch of these people waiting outside. Well I said “Go change than we could finally go to the beach.”

Well right in front of the men’s door there was a sign “Cleaning in progress.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? My boyfriend asked the other men how long this would take, well they said 45 minutes. Well , Marvin looks at me and says “What do you want to do?’¬†

“I don’t know.” I replied. I was so frustrated at this point I wanted to go home , but my boyfriend felt horrible and he wanted to make this work. Since this day was not going the way both of us had planned we decided to get a room and spend the night. ¬†We would go to the beach the next day. ¬†Well the next day we had breakfast, than drove down to wild wood. It was ¬†around eight o’clock in the morning. We went onto the¬†board walk and again the beach was right in front of us.

This time we finally got to walk onto the beach.  The sand was going between our toes. Than I heard a large sigh  from Marvin.  There was money lying in the sand . He picked it up and looked to see if anyone was looking for it. Well it seemed no one was, so we took it. The money turned out to be $90 bucks.


 I instantly knew this day was going to be good. I guess yesterday God was playing with us and thought huh maybe I should fuck with them both. Now he wanted us to have fun and enjoy the day.  We spent just a few hours there and trust me it is what I wanted all along. It was clam , the weather was so beautiful and it was so peaceful because barley no body was there.




Finally we were going to have a good day. We left the beach before anybody else got there and spent the day on the boardwalk. We were mostly playing in the arcades because both of use loved games. We both went to this old arcade in this place called the boardwalk mall. It had over 25 stores anybody could shop in. We both said damn it lets go into this arcade. We played all these old games which was awesome because you don’t even see these type of games anymore. ¬†

Than we found another $20 bucks just laying on a game. We thought it was the owners so we went over to the owners ¬†and said we found change . ¬†They said it wasn’t theirs and it must have been somebody else’s. We saw this family, three little girls and their father looking around for the money . The one little girl was about to burst into tears. Marvin went over and said “I found your money .” He gave her the $20 worth in change back. Her father gladly thanked Marvin and her smile returned to her face.

Again, I think God intended this weekend to happen. ¬†Even though it didn’t turn out the way we both planned, I think God planned it this way. I guess just to fuck with us, but anyways, we had a good day. We actually both laughed about it later because it was so damn funny. ¬†haha ¬†I think it is hilarious now quite honestly . ¬†

Well moral of this story is don’t forget to put your bathing suite ¬†on under your clothes, otherwise you won’t get to the beach.¬†


50 Shades of Shit

So obviously once a year there is always a book that catches everyone’s attention and it goes on the New York Times best seller list. I usually check out what books go on there because I’m a book nerd . I remember last year 50 Shades of Gray was the number one book everyone was reading. So I gave it a shot and got the book. Well it was a waste. I couldn’t ¬†get passed ¬†chapter seven, so it was horrible.

I don’t understand books like these (horribly written books) get the top best seller list. Apparently 50 shades of grey was a really good book, it was hot and ¬†steamy, than again I wouldn’t know because I didn’t even get to that point. I thought the main character ¬†was way to cliche. The thing is I couldn’t picture what the character even looked like, she had little description in her character. All I could tell she was a dumb ass bimbo falling for a asshole who had “AMAZING” looks. (Sounds like twilight)

I later found out this was a fan fiction of twilight. Oh, well that explains everything, but this time the main character don’t have a sparkly dick , just a very disturbed bondage problem. So basically Edward with a bondage problem. I have advice for this author.


Come up with your god damn Ideas! None of this is original. 


If you want to write a book take a God Damn Creative Writing course! This would much be appreciated . Considering most of the time when I was reading this I was counting how many cliches were within this book.  The creative writing course will help you.


Get a new editor. Who ever edited this was fricken Horrible!!!! HORRIBLE! I had such a hard time reading this  shit and it seemed like nobody edited this. Work on your description and please stop it with the repeated phrases!!!! 

Listen, I’m not the best writer in the world, I know my writing is horrible and I hear it all the time. Honestly it annoys me ¬†,but one this is this is my blog, I don’t care. ¬†I can’t help the way I write because I do have a learning disability. Basically my brain can’t suck in the information needed for Grammar and English structure, which is quite frustrating.¬†

Anyways, If I knew I wanted to publish my book considering my learning disability , I would hire a editor because I know I’m not good at writing. I would make sure that they edited it to the fullest . Nothing is worse than publishing a book with bad editing or no editing at all. ¬†I would take pride in my writing so of course I would want it edited.

I remember I was chatting with Anne Rice on Facebook a few years back, she had good advice for me considering my writing. 

“My grammar wasn’t the best either, but I still wrote my stories. Never let that put you down.”-Anne Rice

I think about that every time I write , but again if I posted some thing life Fifty Shades , of course I would get bad reviews. If E.L James wanted good reviews she should have went back, re wrote her version of Fifty Shades, contacted a wonderful Editor and than get it published. The book seems like a first draft and that is why nobody liked the book. 

So anyways moral of this blog, don’t read it if you hate shitty books. This was fifty shades of shit …


Anxiety : How it ruined my life


¬†Well a year ago I was going through a lot of personal stuff. I suffered from anxiety . Months before I quit my job I got diagnosed with panic disorder. Now if you don’t know what panic disorder is I’ll post ¬†a link below.

Anyways, I suffered from severe panic attacks, quite honestly it sucked. I would be in fear of having another panic attack. It was constantly on my mind and it would interfere ¬†with my personal life. ¬†When I would have a panic attack my heart would race, I felt light headed , I felt like I was going to pass out, I would cry uncontrollably , and I hyperventilate. ¬†I remember my heart beat would ¬†be so loud it seemed like that was the only thing I could hear , even if people around me would try to calm me down I couldn’t hear them. It was scary ¬†and I hated living in constant fear.

When I realized something was wrong  I went to the doctors and that is when they  diagnosed me with panic disorder.  I was actually put on medication for the attacks so they could stop from happening. Well I was on the medication for months and I had some panic attacks , but not as much as I used to. The job that I had at the time was I worked  for a nursing home as a dietary aid.  It was a horrible job to say at the least .

I remembered I¬†told my boss at that time, I¬†couldn’t work so many hours because I didn’t¬†have a car to get there. I shared cars with my family so I had to go around their scedule¬†, which honestly sucked because I was 22 and I wanted more hours to work. My boss Supposlably understood and just gave me the days I could come in.¬†

The last day I worked there I felt faint , remember the kitchen is hot and I had fainted before. Once at a fire call¬†and I almost fainted twice at my work. So obviously I knew the symptoms of feeling¬†faint/heat exhaustion. I told the cook I was going¬†to get my blood pressure checked because I felt very faint and I knew for sure I wasn’t feeling right. I went to the nurses desk and asked if they could check my bp. My bp was a little high I noticed , but was normal. The nurses suggested that I should go home because they didnt¬†want me to faint at work considering the way i¬†had felt.¬†

So I asked the cook if I could go home considering what the nurses said, the cook said I¬†should try to drink gaterade because maybe that is what I needed. Also , they didnt¬†have anyone to cover for me. (I should have known right than and there something would happen) So I sipped on gaterade trying to make myself feel better and I remember I wasn’t even sweating , but I felt so hot and still light headed. My boss comes walking in the kitchen¬†as I was trying to work.

“What’s wrong with you?” asked my boss. She looked angery for some reason , but maybe I thought she was tired or something.¬†

“I felt like I was going to faint, I even felt like this before I got here at work.” She crossed her arms and said “I don’t know what is wrong with you. You work two days a week , why don’t you just stick it out” She rolled her eyes at me “Youre killing me,” she said and walked away. I was shocked and upset. Here I’am in the kitchen working , feeling faint as hell and she had the fucking nerve to say that to me knowing damn well my fucking situation?

I instatnly felt my panic attack symptoms coming and I tried to calm myself down, I felt my hear t racing, I almost hyperventalated, it was not good. My boss didn’t¬†know I had this disorder and what she said to me did not help whats so ever . I remember I had to work that whole weekend, I eventlually stayed that night , but I couldn’t¬†bear what she said to me or how she treated me when I felt ill.

I thought about it all night and I couldn’t sleep. I called the next day to talk to the superviser to tell her what happend. ¬†I told the superviser about the whole story. She didnt¬†sound to happy about how my boss treated me or the whole situation. I told the superviser I had panic disorder and I¬†shouldn’t of had a panic attack considering I was on meidcation . ¬†She knew I was very emtoinally upset and I told her I wouldn’t come in that day because what happend the night before was not right. The superviser understood , but she could hear how upset I was.¬†

I thought about it and I put into consideration I shouldn’t even go back. If my boss was going to treat me that way after I felt faint obviously she didn’t¬†care about my well being at all. I had many close call episodes with my anxeity because of that job and I realized that when I¬†worked there my anexity would get worse. So I made the ¬†descion to quit my job.

I told the superviser,” I appereciate the job , but considering my panic disorder , the boss almost making me going into a ¬†attack, I think I should honeslty work on myself before working anywhere.¬†¬† I shouldn’t have to work in that type of enviorment or shouldn’t be treated the way I was treated that day. It caused me to almost have a panic attack.” The superviser understood.¬†

I instantly went right into therapy , I had to go over techqniches for calming myself down, I had to go once a week, I noticed though my family wasn’t help my sistuation ethier.¬†Considering I quit my job they were not happy with me , but in my mind it is my life and my decesion. Some of my family memebers¬†didn’t¬†support me and thought I was faking the whole thing. They thought I was using that so I wouldn’t work .¬†

¬†I needed to get help for this panic disorder because if i¬†didn’t one the disorder would get wrose or two it would turn into panic disorder an agorphobia.Well that is what happend as weeks passed I delevloped agorphobia. Link below,

As weeks went by this disorder had gotten worse, my biggest fear was walmart. Well, not because of the creepy people that walk around  hahaha , but because I felt so overshelmed by the big crowd . I felt every time I went into the store, I instantly started to go into a panic attack. I started to advoid going into public places, I would not go anywhere with big crowds , so it was hard for me to get out. I basically would stay home most of the time.  

It was horrible, but I¬†eventally changed my medication I was on and eventally my agorphobia symptoms stopped , also my attacks. I haven’t had a attack in a year and it has been a month off of my medication. I’m very proud of myself considering how far i¬†have gotten. I still suffer from some anexity , I almost had a panic attack ¬†about a month ago , but I’m doing well so far.¬†

Basically I had a rough long road and I’m glad I made it . I made this post because others who are like me have this disorder, I want to let you know that you are not alone in this. Eventually this will pass and you will be ok, it just takes work. I wish you guys all well and hope you will become better.

Also if you guys ever need to talk just give me a shout on here or twitter. 




Knitting blog up

I finally started my knitting blog! Yay! If anybody wants to learn please go to my knitting blog. I’ll post the link up on my other blogs page. ¬†Anyway, I’ll give you the summary of the blog. Obviously it is about knitting and for beginners. I’ll be showing you all the basics in knitting and we will do patterns together. I’m still working on getting the patterns for the beginners to follow, so there will be a page for that as well.

I’m excited about this blog and I hope I will help other people who want to knit as well. Quite honestly this is my drug I’m addicted too. :p Again I picked up knitting last year because I’m a civil war reenactor. So, obviously they used to knit back than , I figured I would do something that is time period correct . (Plus it would give me something to do) I’ve been only doing this for 10 months , but I thought ,humm I should teach beginners how to knit , just beginners because I’m not to far advanced.

Anyways, so it is up.


Never believed: Skeptical

For quite a long time I was a skeptical about ghosts . I was skeptical about God as well after my brother passed away. I always debunked my experiencenes with spirits as they started coming more frequently in my life when I got older.

When I was about around 17 years old, my best friend Theresa had me watch Ghost Hunters for the first time. Again ,skeptical about ghosts I decided to watch it  to see what they called evidence of spirits.

I was quite amused at what they did find because I¬† couldn’t explain EVP’s . I was amused how you can be asking questions in a simple recorder and get a reply, that you couldn’t hear with your own ears at that time.

As I watched more of Ghost Hunters they have convinced me at that time there was a afterlife .

One show that had fully made me was when they found a image of a man in the thermal imaging camera. Most people think it is fake ,but I was a active firefighter at that time and there is NO explanation for that.

What a thermal imaging camera is , the camera measures heat, meaning fire. So firefighters use this for inside the  buildings for heat sources they cannot see, like electrical fires ect. 


The only heat source is around the shoulder. Otherwise, you can’t explain the other source, a image of a man.

So yes, this picture made me believe because you cannot explain how this man came to be. Ever since than I have come to accept my last experiencenes with the paranormal, which I guess is good. I really don’t know haha

Signs from my brother-afterlife

As I told most of you I had a older brother who passed away when I was only tweleve. Through all of this despair I had to put up with when my brother passed away, I know he has given me signs through the years.
My brother Matthew, I remember his first real sign. It was only a few weeks after he passed away. I, at the time was listening to my music and my cd player wasn’t working . Some cd’s would work , but no matter how much I cleaned my Cd or cd player for some reason they wouldn’t work. So I decided to go up into my sisters room which is the attic.

The attic used to be my brothers bedroom at one point and time. So when I went upstairs . I put the cd I wanted to listen to into the player . For some reason the cd wouldnt play, mind you my sisters cd player was not as old as mine.¬† So I tried cleaning the player and tried it again. Still the cd player displayed a error message. My cd’s were not old ,but it had just a few scratches on it.
I couldn’t get why every time I put in a cd in my sisters player it wouldn’t work. I remember I brought four cds upstairs with me. The last cd was Nirvana’s Nevermind . So the cd started right on point.

I tried to put on one of my favorite songs Lithium. It wouldn’t work and the cd went to the number one song Smells Like Teen Spirit.
I was confused and yet amused as to why and how it could just skip to the first song when I was in song number four. I than laughed and thought about my brother.
“Ok Matthew , I get it. I’ll let you listen to this” I played the whole song . The cd went onto the next song.

I suddenly felt I wasn’t alone in my sisters room and I looked over towards the stairs. There I had seen a shadow figure of my brother. His figure had the same curly hair as my brother ,but his figure was more like sitting by the stairs. Than his figure went down stairs.
I honestly didn’t know what to do at that time and I just wondered did I just see that? I quickly turned off the cd player and I ran downstairs.

To this day , eleven years later I find it quite amusing that maybe my brother wanted to bond with me even in the afterlife or just give me a sign he was still there .
He still does this day gives me signs he is here, but because I’am a empath I can tell when he is here. It is very comforting to know he is still here. I love him so much.

A Ghost Dog wanted to play

When I was 18 or 19 years old , I was helping my one best friend dog sit her older sisters two dogs while they were out for the night. Of course we had this big house to ourselves so we decided to spend the night playing The Sims on her laptop. We loved that game because quite honestly it was fun making up our own characters and houses. Anyways, the two dogs, one a begal and the other a English Yellow lab  were the dogs we were watching. 


Her sister said we could stay the night, so we both got the guest room. The two dogs followed us into the room. The English lab laid at the head of the bed and the begal right by my side. As we were doing our sims thing, deciding how we should make our character we both heard a bark downstairs which echoed through this house. It sounded like the dog was in the living room ¬†barking at something outside. ¬†I instantly thought “Oh it is just the begal.” because it sounded like her bark. Than realization came to me. I looked over to my side and the begal is sitting next to me looking out towards the door.

I instatly got cold and just speechless. I looked at my friend. Her mouth was wide open , I could see the shock and fright that went through her like knifes. 

“Did you hear that?” She asked. I immediatly nodded and she got off the bed and instatly locked the ¬†guest door. There was no other way that there would be another dog in the house considering her sister had only two dogs. Also , both of the dogs were with us at the time. We both couldn’t figure it out considering the obvious. We didnt leave the TV on so it wasn’t the TV. It couldnt have been outside ¬†because the bark sounded like it came from downstairs in the living room. No explaination what’s so ever.

We still can’t figure it out till this day how this could have happend. ¬†It still gives me chills when I think about this because it is very unkown. Questions did come about though as to why this Ghost Dog wanted to let us know it’s precense. Maybe because of the other dogs? Maybe it wanted to play? Another questions also is maybe the houses pervious owner and their dog wanted to play? ¬†Who knows? I guess only sprits.¬†

I don’t know if any other activity is still in the house considering the Ghost Dog because I havent talked about it in a while to my friend, but hopefully I’ll get a update on this one day.¬†