Well a year ago I was going through a lot of personal stuff. I suffered from anxiety . Months before I quit my job I got diagnosed with panic disorder. Now if you don’t know what panic disorder is I’ll post a link below.
Anyways, I suffered from severe panic attacks, quite honestly it sucked. I would be in fear of having another panic attack. It was constantly on my mind and it would interfere with my personal life. When I would have a panic attack my heart would race, I felt light headed , I felt like I was going to pass out, I would cry uncontrollably , and I hyperventilate. I remember my heart beat would be so loud it seemed like that was the only thing I could hear , even if people around me would try to calm me down I couldn’t hear them. It was scary and I hated living in constant fear.
When I realized something was wrong I went to the doctors and that is when they diagnosed me with panic disorder. I was actually put on medication for the attacks so they could stop from happening. Well I was on the medication for months and I had some panic attacks , but not as much as I used to. The job that I had at the time was I worked for a nursing home as a dietary aid. It was a horrible job to say at the least .
I remembered I told my boss at that time, I couldn’t work so many hours because I didn’t have a car to get there. I shared cars with my family so I had to go around their scedule , which honestly sucked because I was 22 and I wanted more hours to work. My boss Supposlably understood and just gave me the days I could come in.
The last day I worked there I felt faint , remember the kitchen is hot and I had fainted before. Once at a fire call and I almost fainted twice at my work. So obviously I knew the symptoms of feeling faint/heat exhaustion. I told the cook I was going to get my blood pressure checked because I felt very faint and I knew for sure I wasn’t feeling right. I went to the nurses desk and asked if they could check my bp. My bp was a little high I noticed , but was normal. The nurses suggested that I should go home because they didnt want me to faint at work considering the way i had felt.
So I asked the cook if I could go home considering what the nurses said, the cook said I should try to drink gaterade because maybe that is what I needed. Also , they didnt have anyone to cover for me. (I should have known right than and there something would happen) So I sipped on gaterade trying to make myself feel better and I remember I wasn’t even sweating , but I felt so hot and still light headed. My boss comes walking in the kitchen as I was trying to work.
“What’s wrong with you?” asked my boss. She looked angery for some reason , but maybe I thought she was tired or something.
“I felt like I was going to faint, I even felt like this before I got here at work.” She crossed her arms and said “I don’t know what is wrong with you. You work two days a week , why don’t you just stick it out” She rolled her eyes at me “Youre killing me,” she said and walked away. I was shocked and upset. Here I’am in the kitchen working , feeling faint as hell and she had the fucking nerve to say that to me knowing damn well my fucking situation?
I instatnly felt my panic attack symptoms coming and I tried to calm myself down, I felt my hear t racing, I almost hyperventalated, it was not good. My boss didn’t know I had this disorder and what she said to me did not help whats so ever . I remember I had to work that whole weekend, I eventlually stayed that night , but I couldn’t bear what she said to me or how she treated me when I felt ill.
I thought about it all night and I couldn’t sleep. I called the next day to talk to the superviser to tell her what happend. I told the superviser about the whole story. She didnt sound to happy about how my boss treated me or the whole situation. I told the superviser I had panic disorder and I shouldn’t of had a panic attack considering I was on meidcation . She knew I was very emtoinally upset and I told her I wouldn’t come in that day because what happend the night before was not right. The superviser understood , but she could hear how upset I was.
I thought about it and I put into consideration I shouldn’t even go back. If my boss was going to treat me that way after I felt faint obviously she didn’t care about my well being at all. I had many close call episodes with my anxeity because of that job and I realized that when I worked there my anexity would get worse. So I made the descion to quit my job.
I told the superviser,” I appereciate the job , but considering my panic disorder , the boss almost making me going into a attack, I think I should honeslty work on myself before working anywhere. I shouldn’t have to work in that type of enviorment or shouldn’t be treated the way I was treated that day. It caused me to almost have a panic attack.” The superviser understood.
I instantly went right into therapy , I had to go over techqniches for calming myself down, I had to go once a week, I noticed though my family wasn’t help my sistuation ethier. Considering I quit my job they were not happy with me , but in my mind it is my life and my decesion. Some of my family memebers didn’t support me and thought I was faking the whole thing. They thought I was using that so I wouldn’t work .
I needed to get help for this panic disorder because if i didn’t one the disorder would get wrose or two it would turn into panic disorder an agorphobia.Well that is what happend as weeks passed I delevloped agorphobia. Link below,
As weeks went by this disorder had gotten worse, my biggest fear was walmart. Well, not because of the creepy people that walk around hahaha , but because I felt so overshelmed by the big crowd . I felt every time I went into the store, I instantly started to go into a panic attack. I started to advoid going into public places, I would not go anywhere with big crowds , so it was hard for me to get out. I basically would stay home most of the time.
It was horrible, but I eventally changed my medication I was on and eventally my agorphobia symptoms stopped , also my attacks. I haven’t had a attack in a year and it has been a month off of my medication. I’m very proud of myself considering how far i have gotten. I still suffer from some anexity , I almost had a panic attack about a month ago , but I’m doing well so far.
Basically I had a rough long road and I’m glad I made it . I made this post because others who are like me have this disorder, I want to let you know that you are not alone in this. Eventually this will pass and you will be ok, it just takes work. I wish you guys all well and hope you will become better.
Also if you guys ever need to talk just give me a shout on here or twitter.