Helping Heal Suicide Survivors

I have wrote a few times about my older brother whom I have lost almost 13 years ago to suicide. I have realized within the years maybe I was meant to go through this to help others or maybe it was a lesson in life I had to learn. Even though my brother had his own share of problems he put onto himself, I think my brother was such a great person. He knew how to make me laugh, make me smile, and from what I remember we used to sing together. My brother was someone who I did look up to in life ,but now I can look up to him in the sky.

One person who I have been messaging on a message board asked me a question: What do you think are some of the positives or learning experiences you have taken from your brother’s death?

I replied:

“Since I was a little girl at that time, I think it did make me look at life a different way. Others that were my age just let life go and flash, in days and weeks. They didn’t appreciate what they have and how lucky their life is compared to others. It made me grow up and most importantly made me a stronger person. I dealt with something most people wouldn’t deal with. I faced something so tragic and turned it into a lesson for myself and now others can learn from. I can help others heal since I’ve been through this and make them see that they can make it too. It is something maybe one day you will reflect on and think “Wow I’ve been through hell and back, but I’m still strong.” 

I hope by you talking to me , I can realize one day you will be healed like me.

It is life and life is beautiful despite what journeys you have to go through”

I think the experience I had myself will hopefully inspire others into healing. The person I help will make me think, I’m helping this person and since I’m helping this person, he will to will be thankful within the years.

My life right now

It has been going good and very busy at the moment. Sorry I haven’t been on for a while , my nephew has been keeping me busy and I feel like I’m running around with my head cut off. :/ So recently my sister is doing so great in nursing school and I’m so proud she got int o honors! She is doing so great and I love her so very much ! She is excellent and is a inspiration to other signal mothers out there. As I said i have been working with my nephew . He is such a amazing child  and so smart for his age. I love seeing how much he learns every day, I love seeing how much he plays and laughs each day. 

We usually have movie nights once a week, when I know my sister will be home late . So we were watching a movie and he put his arm around me and held my head close to his chest. He says “I love you aunt Caity.” I smiled and said I loved him too. He is only three years old and has such a warm heart (just like his mother) I can’t believe a little child has melted my heart . Before my nephew was born I NEVER wanted to have any children. I was against it and than he came along. He changed my perspective on children and how much of a joy it would be to have children in the future.

Not many people get that change in their life , but I did, He changed my life and made me realize it is worth having a family.

Thing is I finally found the one guy which I know whom I’m bound to be with for the rest of my life

My boyfriend Marvin we have been together for 2 1/2 years and quite honestly I have never felt this way in my life . He is the most amazing man I have ever dated. He is charming and I remember when I first saw him I was instantly attracted to him. that have never happened to me before in my life. It was like “love at first sight” Well no. If any of you seen the movie Hotel Transylvania ? It is like we Zinged instantly. 

I love this man so much and two days ago he just spilled his heart out to me and I started to cry. Good tears though. I only cried happliy once and that was because my brother was going into rehab. That was 13 years ago and I told him that. My boyfriend said he was sorry for making me cry , but I said “No don’t be I’m just really happy. I feel the same way about you.” I just feel like the most happiest women on the planet right now and it is like I could just shout out to the world that I found the love of my life.

 

I love him.

Just everything is great right now and I’m rolling on my poetry ebook. It is going , and I’m still being inspired and writing more. It is coming along well, but I will let you know when it will be out and ready to be published. 

Signs from my brother-afterlife

As I told most of you I had a older brother who passed away when I was only tweleve. Through all of this despair I had to put up with when my brother passed away, I know he has given me signs through the years.
My brother Matthew, I remember his first real sign. It was only a few weeks after he passed away. I, at the time was listening to my music and my cd player wasn’t working . Some cd’s would work , but no matter how much I cleaned my Cd or cd player for some reason they wouldn’t work. So I decided to go up into my sisters room which is the attic.

The attic used to be my brothers bedroom at one point and time. So when I went upstairs . I put the cd I wanted to listen to into the player . For some reason the cd wouldnt play, mind you my sisters cd player was not as old as mine.  So I tried cleaning the player and tried it again. Still the cd player displayed a error message. My cd’s were not old ,but it had just a few scratches on it.
I couldn’t get why every time I put in a cd in my sisters player it wouldn’t work. I remember I brought four cds upstairs with me. The last cd was Nirvana’s Nevermind . So the cd started right on point.

I tried to put on one of my favorite songs Lithium. It wouldn’t work and the cd went to the number one song Smells Like Teen Spirit.
I was confused and yet amused as to why and how it could just skip to the first song when I was in song number four. I than laughed and thought about my brother.
“Ok Matthew , I get it. I’ll let you listen to this” I played the whole song . The cd went onto the next song.

I suddenly felt I wasn’t alone in my sisters room and I looked over towards the stairs. There I had seen a shadow figure of my brother. His figure had the same curly hair as my brother ,but his figure was more like sitting by the stairs. Than his figure went down stairs.
I honestly didn’t know what to do at that time and I just wondered did I just see that? I quickly turned off the cd player and I ran downstairs.

To this day , eleven years later I find it quite amusing that maybe my brother wanted to bond with me even in the afterlife or just give me a sign he was still there .
He still does this day gives me signs he is here, but because I’am a empath I can tell when he is here. It is very comforting to know he is still here. I love him so much.